Rosie Green: Fancy? I just found out what all the fuss is about
Stylist: Nicola Rose. Make-up: Caroline Barnes from Frank Agency with Max Factor. Hair: Frank Agency’s Ben Cooke with Redken. Hair color: Nicola Clarke. Tan: Amanda Harrington London. Shirt and pants, after committee. Bikini top, Asceno
“Let the dog see the rabbit,” said my friend J.
She could have talked about her insatiable cravings for wine at 7pm, but she was actually referring to her new boyfriend.
This is because she was still on her honeymoon. Do you remember the honeymoon phase? Or Limerence, if you’re looking for a fancy new word countdown.
Definition: intense feelings of being in love, ecstasy and idealization of the partner. Characterized by the desire to be in close proximity to them all the time. Preferably naked. And when you can’t, resort to behaviors like wearing the blood around your neck in a vial – if you were Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie when they were married – or your partner’s t-shirt if you are everyone else are.
I thought the honeymoon was a fallacy. Made like unicorns and most of Donald Trump’s press conferences. Why? Well, when my ex-husband and I met we were 18 and I was too busy being nervous about sex to be consumed by it or even to really let go and enjoy it. I thought everyone was just enlarging their lusty early romances to brag about them.
But now, in the few relationships I had after marriage, I have experienced it: wish chosen to Defcon 1; Concentration lower than a Kardashian’s neckline. I mean, this is amazing stuff.
According to research from Syracuse University, falling in love induces the same feeling of amusement that people experience when they use cocaine. In both cases, many euphoria-inducing chemicals are released in 12 areas of the brain.
How long is the honeymoon period? Research has shown that it’s only been six months. I think it’s no coincidence that it lasts about as long as the trial period (people can only hide their poor timing or Monster Munch Pickled Onion habit for so long).
Reality creeps in into relationships when lust wears off. They notice themselves clicking their teeth while eating or cutting off their toenails and leaving them on the side of the bath. You could stop shaving your legs any day.
And when those rose tinted glasses come off it can feel like your relationship is missing. Some people seem to only be able to deal with relationships when they are in the honeymoon phase. You need the high octane thrill to feel alive. But for most of us, moving to the next level is a natural evolution – it means you step into what psychologist Fiona Murden calls the acceptance level.
If you want to feel better because your feelings toward your partner are no longer as intense, says Emily Nagoski, a sexual wellbeing expert, sometimes the honeymoon period isn’t about lust and longing at all, but about fear. She says that this type of all-consuming desire can be about insecurity and control; If you try to keep a connection you are afraid of losing.
But what if you are past your honeymoon phase and still want to feel something of that desire again? Try this tripartite approach …
1 sleep naked. If you’ve traded sleeping in your whole for flannel nightgowns, think twice. Not only because cozy bed linen is a sin of fashion, but because it lacks the bonding hormone oxytocin, which is triggered by skin-to-skin contact.
2 Make a conscious effort to kiss / hug / hold your partner. It’s a cycle – the more we do it, the more we want to do it. Again, physical contact releases oxytocin so you’re more in the mood for sex.
3 Embrace novelty. The flames of desire are kindled by novelty. Everything is new in the early stages of a relationship. First sleep, first meal, first Christmas. No need to go to sex parties or buy bondage gear to keep the pace going.
Instead, you can make small changes – send flirty text messages, buy new underwear, watch a sexy movie, and change your sexual routine. Starting small feels less nervous.